Posts

True Story©... Get Out Of Jail Free!

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  Life is pretty boring lately… I say that to say that there is plenty going on but most of it is pretty mundane “adulting” shit.  I guess one could see how that might mean things are pretty okay but knowing/observing how my brain works, one could ALSO see the need for some excitement.  I mean, I know spring is right around the corner and will bring with it constant yard work and sundresses (and the cleavage that comes with those) , but right now is right now. As I reached the end of my chain, my phone rings – my PERSONAL phone – and I kind of have to answer that when it rings for reasons I don’t need to get into right here and now. Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Phillip, it’s me…” Me: “Sir, there are like eight billion people on this planet.” Caller: “Detective Woodpe–… fuck–…  SHIT!!!  Detective Woodcock.” Me: “Naughty, naughty there, detective Woodpenis, you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Woodpenis: “My mother is deceased.” Me: “And you’re sitting around kissing on her instead of bur

True Story©... The Ballad of Jiggaboo Jackson

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       I don’t like going out in public… It isn’t so much that I am antisocial – well I kinda am, but I fuck with who I fuck with and that makes a huge difference – but I have also done an absolute lifetime's worth of fuckshit in the community as the two of you have read in these pages in just the past two years. One of my greatest fears is that I will be out with Wife Person™ and or my little one and something that they don’t know I have done comes face-to-face with me. Don’t tell THEM that, but that is partially why I am so reluctant to go out and be places.      … so I am in The Walmarks a couple of weeks ago, minding my own business, collecting things for the Superbowl party and I hear someone in the distance calling apparently for me… Voice: “S’cuse me. Aye man! AYE!!!” Me: “You talking to me?” Him: “Yeah, yeah man… Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Me: “I’on think I know you bro.” Him: “Yeah, ain’t yo name like–… Somethin’ weird, like Fap Fappington or something like

True Story©... 24 Hours To Live!

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       What would you do if you were told you had 24 hours to live? Since my cardiac event that landed me in the hospital Summer 2018, I have been dealing with a minefield of doctor and specialists visits usually about every other month. Since the exact cause of my episode could never be pinned down, we keep an eye on everything from my blood pressure, to my asthma and even my kidneys. No stone gets left unturned and, when combined with my recent obsession with sobriety and my physique, shit works out pretty well on a month-to-month basis. Three weeks ago, I got a phone call… Me: “Hello.” Nurse: “Hi, this is your nurse from Dr Samuel’s office.” Me: “Okay” Nurse: “Dr Samuel is going on vacation next week and wants to get you in as soon as possible. You have 24 hours to give blood at the lab so he can review it before he leaves.” Did she say what I think she said!?   Me: “I have–… 24–… hours?” Nurse: “Yes” Me: “Well I guess I got no choice, lemme make some arrangements and deal wi

True Story©... The Treasure Hunt Pt. II

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   Welcome back…      When I left you, I had 15 unsuspecting individuals pining for a prize that only three of them have a chance at and NONE know exactly what the fuck they’re even competing for. I would use the words “I don’t know how I pulled this off,” but I explained in great detail approximately one month ago EXACTLY how I did that. Anyway… Anyone with a modicum of ability in Google or a mildly working knowledge of Greensboro history knew the answer was 'OLD L. Richardson' hospital on the corner of Benbow Rd and Washington St. A walk downtown Greensboro would suffice to answer this as well from approximately two miles from the location.      My three marks seemed to have no issues either finding or already knowing the information, and had no issues getting to the location for the photographic proof that I demanded. I will not share THEIR pictures because reasons, but I will share a photo that I took of it…      The rest of the 15 mostly did okay with the respons