Columbus Day... but why?

For Columbus Day, my plans WERE to “discover” my neighbors’ house, at which point I would teach them the nuances of proper canine care and how good civilized folks live… Once I had educated them, I would swiftly deem them as ‘savages’ or perhaps simply lacking in civil abilities. With that established, I would share with them some debilitating disease and get them the fuck off of my newly discovered land – hell they aren’t doing anything with it!
Luckily for them, and very much to the benefit of my property value, they were asked to leave a couple weeks ago and the house is empty for the time being. No more dead dogs and disabled cars, I love it.

No, in all seriousness… Why in the blue hell DO we celebrate Columbus Day? It kind of strikes me as a celebration of some guy’s failure. Seriously, he didn’t discover anything, as it is impossible to “discover” already-inhabited land for one. Also, one must consider that others are known to have come across a long time ahead of him. This goes not even to mention that he was convinced up until his death that he had been to the eastern coasts of Asia and not to The Americas.
Seriously, we’re expected to celebrate someone who was so detested that they were pretty much left for dead and had to trick locals into thinking they were some kind of clairvoyants by predicting an eclipse just to get fed while they couldn’t get help from home? An individual who – along with his brothers – were so hated for their actions that they were returned to Spain in shackles as criminals?


Here we are, we celebrate tyranny, ignorance and general idiocy… I look forward to G.W. Bush day in my childrens’ schools in the future.