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Monday, October 15, 2012

My Every-October Titties Post



A repost of mammarial proportions ...
(yes, I know that "mammarial" is not a word, or was not until now)
I'd originally posted this blog in October 2007, and as the date draws near again my mind has not changed one little bit, nor has the importance of the subject at hand, so here goes...



Do you know what this week is?
According to NYC Cancer Prevention, the 3rd Friday in every October is "National Mammography Day."
I know what you're thinking, "But Phillip, you don't have titties," and the jokes of my man-boobs are damn near moot, as they are just about gone now. I DO have a sense of humor about myself and I know that I am   still not a small person by any stretch of the imagination, but I digress...
I have taken on the vigil to make sure that no woman misses out on their mammogram this coming Friday. I work for a company in the healthcare industry, so I am 100% sure and clear of the shortcomings in availability and affordability of healthcare -- damn that Obamacare farce...
What I am willing to do to help out and "do something" for those who are lacking in coverage is to have all women, local or not, so long as transportation can be provided (and the city bus has stops one block either direction from my house), come over to the house and I will perform the mammogram myself.
One may stop to think for a moment, and may then ask "well what the fuck are your credentials?" And I will answer:

1) I am a man, a flaming heterosexual man at that.
2) I loves me some boobies, so much to the point that I would hate to see ANY lost due to any level of lack of preventive diagnosis.
3) I have the internet in my home, my job, both have high-speed connections with access to both Google and Wikipedia, both of which can, have and will become the rabbit hole from which ANYTHING in the world can be learned and properly applied, be they useful and/or legal or not.
4) Did I mention that I am a heterosexual man who loves boobies and would hate to see anyone ever lose theirs?


Yes, I know this seems like the plight of a man who is simply looking to feel up a whole lot of titties for some cheap personal thrill, but I assure that to be furthest from the God's honest truth. I mean, I could put up pictures of all that I love about them and I would make you want to join in the vigil and make sure that everyone gets their mammogram, but that would border crass and unnecessary, since we ALL know what breasts look like and, in such, what we love about them.
Everyone who is insured, please go out on Friday and get checked out. Everyone who is not (and is not related to me or close friend of family, because that would be WEIRD) please give me a ring, I will be waking up at 6:40am and preparing for work, but will be back home at about 5:25pm... Most of you already have the phone number, and those of you who do not know how to get it.
My wife will have to be in the house to make sure that nothing crazy takes place, of course.  Worry not, though, she is aware that I have been broadcasting this PSA since 3 years before I even met her.

In all seriousness; ladies, take care of yourselves, preserve your two of the most gorgeous of God's creations.
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