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Thursday, October 27, 2016

True Story©... Trolling for entertainment

True Story©…

                Apparently, it has become a more obvious fact over the past 3.5ish years that I can be a bit of a nihilist.  I mean, like, MORE of a nihilist and somehow I am okay with that, like to the point where I have sharpened my ability to needle someone with the simplest of words without cursing or raising my voice, yet driving them to both.
My favorite place to do this – as observed by my brother and cousins – is on the comment threads under a third involved party’s FaceBook post.  That third party usually knows me well enough to know when I am being serious, silly  or just fucking with someone.  The fun part is when they lay back and let it happen.

                Anyway, True Story© time…
Scene 1:
One day back in the winter, I was in an especially Trolly mood and logged into my favorite place to snare a victm.  I scrolled and happened upon the post of a long-time female friend of mine who happens to have nice mammary glands and pictures prove it.  Frequently, the comments under said pictures are the romping grounds for thirsty fuckboys who often become aggressive when they think a different thirsty fuckboy is moving on titties he has claimed for himself.  She’s not responding to them, of course.
I respond with a well-placed subliminal to make anyone who is still getting notifications on her post aware that I know she sees their comments and isn’t going to respond to over thirst.  This works double time because while she does not respond to THEM, she responds to me.
…  three of the five of them ALSO respond to me, aggressively.  Apparently I am a bitch-ass-n**ga who isn’t getting any pussy and that is why I joke about (read: ‘hate on’) “real n**gas” who are.  Nothing to lose, I engage one of them to the point where he is LITERALLY offering to meet me and fight over some words on a webpage.

-Put a pin in that, it will be on the quiz-

Scene 2:
On another friend’s post about music, the conversation turns to Drake.  This, naturally, leads to “Drake makes music for…” and “Drake the kinda n**ga…” responses until someone comes in to defend him.  Now, it stands to reason that anyone defending Drake’s music to the point of Stannery might be about as hard as a bag of wet doughnuts, but this particular dude swings for the fences immediately.  Not only are we ONLY joking on Drake because we don’t know shit about music and he does, but the “accomplishments” of people in his circle nullifies any rebuttal we might be able to form.  Yeah, buddy with the fake Jordans takes it a step further when we kept right on going and NOW offers his services in a fistfight as well.  Keep in mind, that dude does NOT know me, doesn’t know what I am about or just what this situation could turn into.

                *Bingo*

Now I have two fuckboys, living in the cloak of “real n**gas” who want to fight me over a couple of pretty mundane-ass differences of opinions presented by someone sitting at the other end of an internets-connected electronic device.
Bear in mind, now, that the fact that they DO want to fight proves my point that they’re both insecure fuckboys, but never mind that.

                Anyway, I send each a message to their direct inbox “pull up then, pussy n**ga,” which naturally enrages the both of them into all-caps tirades demanding that all I need to do is name the spot and they will be there to ensure that my ass is kicked…
Simple…
First I stalked each of their pictures and noted that they were seemingly quite fond of their automobiles.
I then tell them that I don’t use my real picture on my profile “to keep my bitches out of my business,” and have them both to meet me at an out-of-the way park, describing to each that I would be pulling up in a whip matching the description of the other’s car.  Date and time were set, I backed up ALL the music, photos and video from my phone and set to the task of arriving to the park from a different angle than where I directed them to meet me with an empty phone set to video tape the forthcoming altercation, hopefully it would make it to WorldStar.
While BRILLIANT, this plan failed to account for the level of bravado and stupidity of a fuckboy in his feelings.  Apparently the Draking fuckboy was not as hard as he said he was and brought three enabler fuckboys with him to help him fight.  Meanwhile, Thirsty Thug fuckboy came alone and he WAS about them hands and a little more.  Draking fuckboy’s dude gets out the car first and gets knocked down in one punch.  Now he has to get involved, along with two friends.  They rush Thirsty Thug who (actually quite hilariously) handles the three of them until the first one gets around behind him.
At this point, I am watching from far enough away to not be noticed , haven’t even closed the car door and because of the surprise of a planned 4-on-1 fight, forgot to video ANY of this shit.
It was for the better, of course, that the car door was open and ready to go, because just as the 1-on-3 became a 4-on-one, I heard the words “awe shit, that n**ga got a GUN!” and I am no longer a spectator, but a motherfucking escapee.  When I made it home safely, taking the extra long way to shake off anyone who might have been following, I checked the news for any shootings in Hagan Stone park and blocked BOTH of them on FB.


                Needless to say, while I will still log in and troll people to my heart’s content, I have decided to stop short of the fight promotion part of the trolling business.
But still, they deserved that shit anyway!
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