True Story©... New Year, New You!

True Story©…

                I am here to help you ACHIEVE that “new you” in the new year.

I know I have said this before, but I was on some New Year bullshit too at the time.  We all go through it sometimes, I ain’t mad at myself.  So here’s how it will go.  Sometime between December 30^th (that would be Friday) and January 2 (Monday), you will PayPal me $25 or $50 and provide me with a contact email and phone number.
What you will also include is WHAT about you it is that you need to leave behind in 2016.

With the $25 plan, I simply call you every day and email you every afternoon to remind you that you’re still doing the same ol shit that you've BEEN doing every other year that you tried to reinvent yourself and that every year on 12/31 you’re still miserable for the same reasons you were on 01/01.  The underlying aim of this approach is to anger you into action, even if that action includes coming to my house – or sending someone to my house – to be shot dead in my front yard.

The $50 plan is more involved…  You still tell me your plans and I STILL call/email to insult you, but I ALSO become a partner in the plan itself...
- Is it weight loss you seek?  My woman drew up a meal plan that worked for us, I will share it with you.
- Finances?  I will work out a means of saving with you and seeing to it that your bills get paid, based on the best we can gain from your financial situation/income.
- You need to get rid of an ain’t-shit dude in your life?  I will hire someone to say they had sex with him, offering up EXCRUCIATING details, to the point where your dude has to kill her/him (I will have to charge extra if it is a dude).  Voila, off to prison he goes and out of your hair.
- Your baby mama acting out?  I grew up with some SUPER grimy negroes who would happily meet her, talk her into unprotected sex and leave her with some kind of crotch critters or maybe even another kid, then NEVER speak to her again.
- Troubles at work?  I will have one of the above-mentioned grimies show up to your place of employment and stage a domestic situation with one of your coworkers every other day for two or three weeks until they’re fired.

                Seeing above, the possibilities are ENDLESS and this is just a couple of the potentially onerous undertakings that I would be willing to enter for a small small fee.  Your plan can be customized, the $25/$50 price points are baseline and are a one-time fee until we get the whole thing up and going

                This is to be a service provided by Philip’s Supervillainy.