True Story©... Sleepwalking/Live Dreaming

True Story©…

                It’s been said that one way to have control over your dreams is to sleep with the TV on.  Me?  I sleep to ESPN or whatever comes on after the last NFL or NBA game I watched, so for years I have lived these wild fantasies of mystical worlds from Supernatural, I have solved crimes on Bones, a combination of the crime and mystical on Grimm and this is JUST from the nights that TNT carries NBA games!  I am pretty sure that some of the recipes I have dreamt up come from me falling asleep on Chopped on Tuesday nights.
Anyway, you get it…

                Sometimes, I crash at my girlfriend’s place and her television Du Jour while sleeping is the 24 hour informative murder porn channel ID Discovery…
THIS creates a new obstacle, as I am often unaware if I need to wake up and defend myself or wake up and make that phone call to my three most top people to have a hole dug in the middle of nowhere ready for me to drop something off that we shall never EVER discuss again.

                Anyway…  One night I am having a pretty average round of sleep (which is about the best I get, I cannot regulate my body temperature well enough to ever get a good sleep at night) and all of a sudden, my brain hears her voice calling for me in a total tizzy, as if something is VERY wrong and I must kill everything moving to save her and her little mean-ass dog.  Well as men do when provoked to protect those we have sworn to protect, I jumped up and to action, ran out of the house to the front yard and went RIGHT to work on the first person walking past the front of her house.
[note: there is ALWAYS someone walking past her house]
Meanwhile, back in the real world, she was in the damned bed next to me the whole time.  “Was…”  Operative word “was.”  Now she is standing on the front porch totally freaked out in her night gown wondering just what in the hell has gotten into me.

                Out of breath and apparently still halfway sleepwalking/halfway lucid dreaming, I am operating on the brain waves that she was in peril and dammit I was to end the onslaught.  I demand that she get my phone and the keys to her truck and open the back.  I dragged the body to the truck and tossed it in, called my brother and my two best friends.  Somehow, all three went straight to VM, so I thought better of it, stopped by my own house and got my ski mask and headed toward the mall…  Why the mall?  At the entrance on the front of the mall, the trash compactors are accessible from the outside of the mall at the front next to Ruby Tuesday and at the bottom next to the old Dillard’s entrance.  I learned this from time spent working there.  I stopped before getting to the mall and removed the license plate from her car and drove to the compactor on the back of the mall so as to not be visible from a street at all and tossed the body, then hit the blue button, jumped in the running car and broke the fuck out.

                Back at her house…  silence…
In the morning, over breakfast, she finally asked me what in the hell had gotten into me.  I asked her what in the hell she was doing outside for that base head to even be able to get near her for her to need my saving.  Further confusion.  We argued back and forth for 20 minutes, her explaining that she was in the bed and it was me that jumped up and attacked for no good reason.
It was JUST at this moment that they began the replay cycle (ID generally replays the same things 12 hours later, then switches up for the second half of the day) and I realized that what I was hearing was a combination of my dream state influenced by what was on the real-life television that became my reality in that moment and that.  It was on that spot where I realized that I:
1 - had fucked up BAD.
and...
2 - might want to keep my ass away from the mall for a little while.