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Showing posts with the label fuck my life

True Story©... Monkey Shines (still)

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Y’all remember my monkey, Ian? [link] What about now?      Well anyway…  When we left you in the discussion of Ian, he was at once a purchase that seemed like a good idea in theory but wound up being GODawful in application and came dangerously close to ruining my life to boot. Unable to recoup any of what he cost me, I angrily left him in the pet shop I got him from so he could AT LEAST be rehomed or some shit. About 9 months after the fact, still randomly thinking back to and stewing on the moments I blew buying a fucking monkey as a pet and not a Cane Corso like I wanted, my phone rings… Me: “Hello?” Caller: “What up, though.” Me: “Marlon, you ain’t from Detroit.” Marlon: “How you know that?” Me: “Because I have met your country-ass mama.  Y’all from south Virginia.  What’s the deal.” Marlon: “Shit, chillin man.  What you got going on this weekend?” The sound in his background was familiar, but there is always some random shit happening in his house

Bullshit, defined...

I will paraphrase the correspondence that I received and exchanged to explain my situation, in a manner that most reading this may expect of me. NC Dept of Revenue (not the FEDERAL IRS, mind you): "Mr. Evans, you did not file your 2003 taxes... Me: "bullshit, homie... I took 3 months off in 03 due to damn near dying (literally, mind you), but still worked $4800 worth of overtime in the 9 months I worked... I filed and got money back, remember? DOR: "No, we don't, show us" Me: "Wait, what? Y'all GAVE ME MONEY BACK, WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?!!?" DOR: "We don't see that, show us..." Me: "dude, I have moved since then, I can't find the shit" DOR: "Show us..." Me: "dude, I even RE filed it for the second time when you audited in 2006, y'all gave me money then too, remember?" DOR: "nope, show us that too" Me: "is English your first language? I don't HAVE it, and YOU