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Showing posts with the label get rich quick

True Story©… Credit Repair

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       If I could use these powers for good, I am not all the way sure I ever actually would… Wait, put a pin in that.   It will come back up on the final exam.        My city has spent the last few years basically criminalizing homelessness.   The able cannot feed them of their own free will unless they have an organization or church allowed to do so.   They themselves cannot have signs specifically requesting money when standing on the corners and the most insidious is that they have to go downtown and get a PERMIT to stand on the corners with the signs! More recently, there have been signs going up on signs in medians that there is to be no standing there.   This was presented as a necessity to keep traffic safely and unobstructedly moving.      In that last point, I saw an opportunity… The “opportunity,” as it were, involved a newly minted lack of competition for eyeball equity on the corners where drivers become a captive audience. WHAT?!!? Thank you for asking.  

True Story©… Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab

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       I have been contiguously employed since a week after my 16 th birthday and can count on one hand the number of times I have called in sick. I lost a whole-ass week of work (and True Story©) last week due to a damned misunderstanding behind my apparent myriad of side hustles and get-money schemes. Wait…      Y’all remember a few months ago when I tried to collect manholes and get the money for recycling?   If not, go read and come back. [ link ] Welcome back…      Now that we have established that it is absolutely NOT beneath me to employ crackhead labor to save a few bucks and/or maintain my own convenience in a situation, we can talk about what I have been up to.   This all started back when my stimmy checks finally started to hit (I was late AF filing my taxes) .   Following a surprise two-week hospital stay three years ago this past Monday, I was not in physical shape to continue to maintain my own lawn.   Coinciding with the fact that my own mower had just died, i

True Story©… StimmyVax Entertainment Inc.

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  “I finally got on the list and scheduled my Covid vaccine.   My appointment is later on this afternoon. Needles never bothered me, I take my shots like a big boy, but I really can’t help but be a LITTLE bit worried… Will they give me the 5G version of the vaccine? Will they give me the Bill Gates mind control version? Will they inject me with the gay gene? Will they give me a Black Eugenics shot disguised as a Covid Vaccine and then blame it on ‘side effects’ later on down the road? Will one of the yet-unknown side effects down the line be superpowers? Sheeeeit…   That would be kind of cool, now that I think about it.   What if I got x-ray vision and could use that to get into bank safes and peer through walls to steal peoples’ information to come back around and log into the bank systems and blank out everyone’s mortgage and student loans, then delete the backups as well? What if I got superhuman speed and strength?   I would set up an online streaming pit fighting ring

True Story©... The Big Payoff pt X

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“this orgy ain’t fun no more…” (if only I’d have known how prophetic those words would become)      The funny thing about the government getting involved in shit is how quick they are to complain about the media meddling in shit while pretending not to know that the media is the VERY official but unstated fourth branch of the government. But let them be the one driving the narrative and the media they just hated are their best fucking friends.      I got shook down and, let’s face it, robbed by two rogue FBI inspectors who quite apparently entered no paperwork on their interaction with me as they tried to get my source of income and not do what was right by the American people as far as national security goes.  And I KNOW I was dead wrong… …  at least I know now.  When I was at it, all I knew is that I was trying to make the best of a bad situation of my own design.  Domestic and international laws were really the least of my concerns. I should probably me

True Story©... The Big payoff pt VI

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     You know what, Phlip?  This is what the fuck you deserve.  You had three customers set to make you a million and a half dollars every six months, but you had to break all kinds of international laws and shit being greedy.      Oh wait!  I’m home, I’m safe and I have one month to figure out how to get my fucking bag back from those crazy-fuck European governmental gangster types.  I’m home, I am safe and I am sitting on enough cash on hand to not EVER have to work again in my life, considering that the only bills I have are “consumption” ones; utilities/food/etc…      But I am also fucking stupid… So here I am, in the FBI Field office trying to explain how I was robbed for a bag of coal by the government thugs of some small eastern European country that I could not name because I was not able to see out of the van I was riding in. Agent: “Okay, so help me understand the damages these people have done to you.  You say they took WHAT from you?” Me: “A bag of coal.

True Story©... The Big Payoff pt V

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     Angel on my left shoulder, telling me “Phlip, don’t get on that plane.”      Devil on my right shoulder, telling me “Phlip, get that money and get the fuck out.” Internal tug-of-war, provide for my family in a manner that I had to learn to contribute to as a child, in a manner that I might have never imagined so easily attainable or stay here in the United States and drive this bag around and watch these companies shovel out all of the magical coal they might so need.  Pick your poison, Phillip.  Slow burn and hard work or hit this international lick and be straight one at a time.      Why am I even second-guessing myself?  I KNEW I shouldn’t be on this fucking plane.  As opportunistic as I have been about trapping this cash over the past six months – I am at a million and a half now with my under-the-table museum contracts – I am still quite liberal as far as environmental issues go.  At least those in my own back yard, I feel something when I see my family and friend

True Story©... The Big Payoff pt IV

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     Mother fuck me… I knew when I got into this shit that I would find myself flirting with international improprieties sooner rather than later.  I’m on the way from service on the car, about to get Ava from school one day and the phone rings… “dafuq, what the hell are all these plus signs and extra digits?” It was an international number.  I wish I had saved it. Caller: “Good afternoon, Mr Phillips.” Me: “No ‘Mr.’ needed, Phillip is my first name.” Caller: “Oh, I am very sorry.  Please excuse my English, it is not my first language.” [ Phlip note : why the fuck am I only now realizing that I should probably be using Moe Phillips for this operation?] Me: “S’all good.  With whom do I have the pleasure of conversing with?” Caller: “My name is Mr. [somethingsoutheasterneuropeanish], I am calling on behalf of my local government in search of a product that you apparently have a unique ability to produce at a very attractive price.” Me: “Ahh shit.” Caller: “

True Story©... The Big Payoff pt III

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     Okay, when we left you last month I was a little over two thirds of a million dollars up in the game, less the cost of one used Subaru Impreza and various fuel supplies.  All cash, all under the table money.  Wasn’t much worried about the tax man coming for me since they would have to PROVE a case and ain’t nobody in the whole organization equipped to believe I got a magic bag of coal from a failed attempt to rob Santa Claus .      From my January research, I was lucky to have made my big money plays first.  As I look back on this shit as it happened, I probably should have called that good enough and invested what I had made and lived nicely for the rest of forever.  I knew that I would hear from the transportation museums in three and six months respectively and those drives would become residual income.  They were privately buying fuel-grade anthracite that I couldn’t sell to industry for the reasons  that the initial and continued shift from coal was a cost and trans

True Story©... The Big Payoff, pt II

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So last month , I made about $113k on ill-but-legally-gotten coal, right?  I’m on.  We on, right? I SHOULD have put half of it in the bank or in some investment vehicle and made a ginormous principle payment on my house and paid off all my credit with the other half.  That makes sense, right?      And just so we’re all on the same page here, robbing Santa Claus is a BAD thing, children.  Never mind that what was SUPPOSED to be a punishment for it has turned into a windfall for me and mine.  As Santa is a scumbag dopeman anyway, we can’t FULLY consider that he might have thought of the outcomes when it came all the damn way down to it anyway.  I can’t care, really, because damned if I didn’t get paid.      Not only am I sitting on big bank, but I rolled out of the museum with the blessings of the manager of the place and--… WAIT!!!  I need to explain something. Doctors tend to hang around other doctors, lawyers hang around other lawyers, professors do the same.  You get