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Showing posts with the label life or death

True Story© Play Ball!

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     My city has a minor league baseball team… Wait, hold that whole thought. Y’all know I fucking hate baseball, right? Nevermind, I have spent enough time on my relationship with America’s former pastime.      Anyway, my city has a AA (or maybe AAA, IDK) baseball team.   As much as I dislike baseball as a sport – as in the television entertainment value is lacking HARD – my daughter enjoys going to the games, even though she needs me to explain the goings-on in the games.   She enjoys the atmosphere, the fact that there is a playground and that my employer comps me tickets to games and I invariably pick the Fireworks Fridays games.   Toss a couple of beers into the mix and I can make my way through nine innings.      One time last summer, though, this shit got SUPER lit. Another thing my city has a lot of is young “gang” members ( Phlip note : quotations for ridicule, not for emphasis) To be totally honest, even a tiny baseball park that doesn’t exactly se

True Story©... Moe Phillips: Inadvertent Homewrecker

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     Soon after separation, but before divorce, I was only about half-serious about dating.  To be honest, I gave about a fuck about dating to be honest and didn’t really want to be around people except to make sex, and then get on with my life. I was also TERRIBLY bored of it all and mildly annoyed with even THAT go of it, so I sometimes made a point of poisoning some situations just to see how far I could take it. Not with EVERY woman I met, mind you, just the ones I really saw nothing – not even a quick roll in the hay – with.  Enter Moe Phillips: Supervillain Esq…      I didn’t address every woman I encountered as Moe.  In fact, I generally maintained two profiles, one as Phillip [redacted] and one as Moe Phillips .  I didn’t catfish anyone; just know that I have looked like three different people in my adult life… -    Me with dreads and could be bothered to shave/trim every couple of days. -    Me, still with dreads and--…  Fuck that shaving shit. -    Me withou

True Story© - At Gunpoint

True story ... I'm walking to my car from Wal Mart and a dude jumps out of a maroon GMC Safari and puts a 12gauge to my head... "Where the f*ck you think you going, n**ga?!!?" "c'mon, man, I am just trying to get home to my little girl" "Daughter? So I guess you got a woman somewhere around too, huh?" "What?" "BITCH n***ga, I axed [sic] you a question!" "Yeah!" "you love her?" "of course!" "call her on the phone right now and say 'I love you bae' right now!" "dude" *cocks shotgun* "d-d-did I stutter, motherf*cker?!" "but 'bae' seriously my dude?" "you heard me, unless you wanna die out here in front of all of these people!" ... forced with the prospect of my funeral and using the word "bae," I am here to inform you all that my funeral will be on Monday. My mom has been left with instructions to pay off the ho

Minding my damned business...

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I remember I went to get 2 tires that morning. Kumho 711, size 215/45 17. I'd gotten 2 for the front two weeks earlier, so the first time in 3 cars I was sporting a full set of ONE kind of tire at all 4 corners and happily on my way. Then I went to work, did 4 hours of overtime. AT&T Wireless was not allowed to see me on a Saturday for anything south of $20something an hour, I was SERIOUS about that shit. Jesse, Jessica, Jerome, Jenna and Josh were all in town for Father's Day, I spent the afternoon trying to learn Jessica to drive 5-speed, and I am willing to bet that now -- 6 years, 2 months and 2.5 weeks later -- she still can't do it... I'm a shitty teacher when my student is not picking up what I am putting down. Anyway. We cooked out at the house, but I had planned to meet with Roger, Brandon and Jason at Celebration Station that evening, then another cookout and party at Ryan's , so following a good grilled meal with fam and a few beers, I went to Celebra